


if only you knew how much I love you

by Lamad



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Drinking to Cope, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Roommates, lots of pining, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:21:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23809057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamad/pseuds/Lamad
Summary: Sylvain and Felix long for each other, but Sylvain is "straight" and Felix "doesn't want to date."It isn't until they hurt each other that they know what they have to do.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 79





	1. Fragility and Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written a fic in so long. Not beta'd.

"Hey Felix, do you have any plans tonight?" Sylvain drops his black duffle bag on the clean floor of their shared room and sits on the half-made bed beside his desk. He just came back from track, wearing a white T-shirt and white shorts with orange accents to match his still tousled fiery red hair. 

Felix is sitting cross-legged on his bed and looks up from the calculus textbook in his lap to stare back at Sylvain's beautiful honey-colored eyes. There is something inherently sexy about Sylvain coming back from practice, still slightly sweaty and his hair windswept as if he meant to make it messy. 

_Goddess, why does he have to look so handsome?_

Felix has had a long-lasting crush on his childhood friend since they were kids, running in fields and playing in the woods without a care in the world. The only problem was that Sylvain was in no doubt a straight man who toys with the hearts of women and ultimately breaks them, like a child playing with an expensive vase. Felix acknowledges this but it doesn’t stop his heart from craving what it wants. The tender caresses he yearns for, the soft kisses he wants to share. No matter how much he tries, there’s no way he can get over this.

Sylvain's legs are toned from the years of track and field ever since his friend Ashe asked him to join the team. Sylvain is overall fit and very attractive, eyes from passersby lingering much longer than intended at his sparkling eyes and captivating smile. 

From the two years of rooming with Sylvain at Garreg Mach University, the bud of Felix's childhood crush has only continued to bloom. Sure, Sylvain has a bad tendency to flirt with anything that has curves, but he's helped Felix through tough times and has always been there for him. 

It was especially hard at the beginning of the school year when Felix's father called to tell him that his older brother Glenn had died in a tragic accident. Felix had found out that afternoon and hadn’t stopped crying even when Sylvain had returned in the evening. 

_“Felix, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Sylvain asked, his eyebrows turned up with worry._

_Felix was sitting up in his bed with his back to the wall and legs brought up to his chest while slow streams of tears were falling from his eyes. He clutched a photo of a teenage Glenn and a kid Felix building a snowman during the cold winters of Faerghus. Both boys were standing around a snowman, with large toothy smiles on their faces._

_Everything in Felix’s heart hurt, despair welling up and washing over him again and again. It felt like a part of his heart was breaking apart and dissolving into nothing._

_“Felix?” Sylvain kicked off his shoes and walked over to the front of Felix’s bed so he was eye level with the sobbing boy. The younger of the two brought his legs closer to his body and let out a small whimper while fresh tears ran down his sorrowful face. Felix’s cheeks were pink and tear-stained, eyes bloodshot from crying._

_Sylvain’s heart took a leap in his chest at the sight of his friend in such anguish. Without thinking, Sylvain stood up and sat down on Felix’s bed, the mattress dipping slightly under his weight. He opened his arms and Felix immediately leaned into the welcoming embrace, his chest heaving without rhythm while he cried._

_The two stayed like that until Felix fell asleep due to exhaustion from crying and the comforting hold that Sylvain held him in. The next day went on as nothing happened between them. They never spoke about that time again..._

"I don't have any plans," Felix responds, glancing back to his book and flipping a thin page.

"Perfect! Come with me to Hilda's party later. She said it's going to be her craziest one yet." Sylvain says enthusiastically as he bends forward and undoes the laces of his sneakers, slipping them off. Felix props his arm on his knee as he thinks about it for a second, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. Sylvain notices the reluctance on Felix’s face by the chewing on his inner lip and the slight quirk of his eyebrows. Felix has always done that since the two were kids, and Sylvain finds it endearing whenever he sees it. _Goddess, why does he have to look so cute?_

“Please, Felix? It’ll be good to be around people. Hey, maybe you’ll even meet that special someone.” Sylvain teases. He winks and smiles in the way that gets Felix’s heart beating faster and faster.

“You idiot, I told you I’m not interested in dating right now.” Felix states with a huff, averting his gaze back to the book on his legs. _I’m not interested in dating anyone but you._

Sylvain lets out a laugh and pushes the slightly moist hair away from his forehead with his hand. Felix wishes for the day where he could run his own hands through that mess of that sexy red hair.

“Alright alright. Will you come with me though? I promise it’ll be fun.” Sylvain presses his hands together in front of himself and gives Felix his begging puppy-dog eyes, to which Felix hasn’t been able to refuse since they were little. He sighs.

“Fine, I’ll go.” Felix puts his hands in the air in defeat. A smile spreads across Sylvain’s face, looking triumphant as he stands from his bed.

"Yes! The party's at eight, so we can just go over together," Sylvain walks over to the closet and reaches in to take out a pristinely white towel, "I promise it'll be fun." He winks again at Felix and steps into the bathroom a couple of feet away. After the door clicks shut, Felix puts his book at the foot of the bed and buries his head into his pillow. He groans. 

_Why do I keep chasing something I'll never catch?_

Felix has come to terms with himself that he’d never be able to be more than friends with Sylvain. He’s never had the need to ask or wonder about Sylvain’s sexuality because all he’s ever done was chase skirts since he started puberty, so it’s pretty obvious he’s only into girls. Felix knows this. He _knows this_ , but that doesn’t stop his own affection from growing for the tall red-head.

\----

Sylvain steps into the bathroom and hooks his towel on the hanger on the back of the door, and pads over to the shower where he slides open the shower curtain. He leans into the shower and twists the metal handle, letting out an even stream of water from the silver head above. Sylvain grins to himself as he starts to strip from his shirt down to his socks, pleased with himself that he was able to persuade Felix to come to the party with him. He doesn’t often go to parties, so Sylvain thought he would bring Felix along with him. 

Sylvain knows how close Felix was to Glenn, and after his death, something inside of him changed. He didn’t eat for days after the accident and became more reserved and aggressive towards others. The emotional healing process is going to be slow, but when Felix is exposed to positive people and energy, he’s able to laugh a little easier.

He steps into the warm water and sighs deeply, feeling the dirt and sweat beginning to wash from his body. A frown creeps onto his lips, absentmindedly thinking about the near future.

_Just a few more months here until I start working for the company,_ Sylvain thinks unenthusiastically to himself, scrubbing the muscles of his shoulders with soap.

Sylvain is a senior at the university and is at the end of pursuing the law-degree he never wanted; his father wouldn’t let his heir to Gautier Inc. be run by someone who didn’t receive a long boring degree of some sort. 

Due to his overbearing father, Sylvain is also put under the pressure to be the perfect husband to some woman he won’t have feelings for and have children to continue the family line. Sylvain put his face under the running water and scrubs at his face with a soapy cloth and rinses the bubbles away. He sighs and thinks about Felix. Those sharp amber eyes adorn a handsome but cute face, Sylvain wanting nothing more than to hold him close and pepper his face in kisses, letting him know he’s safe. 

\----

By the time Sylvain’s done with his shower, Felix has left for his fencing practice. He walks over and takes a seat on the bed, opening his phone and scrolls through the number of notifications until his eyes fall on a missed call notification at the bottom of the list. 

It’s his father. 

Sylvain groans, not wanting to talk to his dad. He reluctantly double taps on the notification and presses the call button on his cell, laying down on the plush comforter of his bed to look at the ceiling. Sylvain knows that if he ignores the call, his father will only continue until he picks up. The phone rings a couple of times and Sylvain’s hoping his dad isn't going to pick up, but after the fourth ring, the familiar click of a landline and the gravelly voice of Sylvain’s father comes through. 

“Hello, Sylvain.” Edvard says sternly, his voice deep and scratchy.

“Hey, Dad, what’s up?” Sylvain says with practiced ease.

“I just wanted to hear how my son’s classes are going. Keeping your grades up, I imagine?”

“Yep, I got an A on my last exam. Just a couple of months left until I get that degree.” Sylvain says with fake enthusiasm. To anyone, it would sound genuine, but those who are close to Sylvain know otherwise. 

His father doesn’t notice.

“Excellent. Just what I like to hear.” Sylvain _knows_ that’s what he wants to hear. Though it’s not that he was lying. Book smarts and school studies come easy to him and he has the grades to show for it. There was a pause, “Oh, and Sylvain, I received a letter back from another company with a daughter around your age.” 

There it is. Sylvain has had this conversation again and again, “Her father and I are going to set up a meeting between the two of you after the semester is over. I heard she’s a lovely girl…” At this point Sylvain stops listening. He’s been through this time and time again, his father pushing him to find a girl who will run the company with him. It’s so old fashioned and he hates it. Can’t he just be with who he wants without his father breathing down his neck? It’s 2020, for Goddess’ sake.

“...are you listening, Sylvain?” Edvard questions through the phone speaker.

“Uh yeah yeah, I hear you.”

“Very good, I’ll speak with you again on the details another time. Goodbye, son.” The phone call ends, leaving Sylvain to the beeps of an empty line on the other end. He puts his phone on the bed and throws an arm over his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at anything. Sylvain and his father just bare with each other. Sylvain's the only one to take the seat as the heir to his father’s company since Miklan’s passing, and because of that, Edvard can’t risk his only child to slide away from his duties. It only took one interaction that led to Sylvain and Edvard’s falling out.

_...The crash of rain was heard throughout the mansion, the drops large and pounding on the stone slate of the roof. The sky was a dark angry gray, wind howling and the flash of lightning was seen more and more in the distance._

_“What do you_ mean _you’re gay?” Edvard spat at him. Thirteen-year-old Sylvain was sitting on one of the velvet chairs in the spacious living room when his father exploded with anger at him, his face red and veins bulging on his temple._

_“I-It means I like--”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“I know what it means!” thunder cracked in the distance, giving Sylvain another reason to flinch, “Why can’t you be normal and like lasses your age instead?” Edvard sat down on the chair opposite Sylvain and rubbed his forehead with his hand in exasperation. Sylvain sat there frozen, not daring to breathe while he waited for his father to say something. The feeling of tears behind his eyes started to form, but not daring them to fall. After what felt like hours, Edvard took a deep breath and looked at Sylvain in the eyes with his hands laced together in front of him._

_“Sylvain,” his voice was calmer now, but there was a lingering hardness in his voice, “you’re the heir to the company and you can’t be fooling around with men when it’s time for you to take over. I can’t afford for you to do this. It would end the Gautier line,” he takes another breath, “You are most likely going through a phase anyway. Give it a year or two and see how you feel, okay?” Edvard stood up, staring down at his child. Sylvain nodded, but knew when his father said for him to ‘give it some time’ or ‘let’s see how you feel’ means ‘neither of us will speak of this again.’ Edvard smiled, “Okay good,” he glanced down at his watch, “I have to be back at the office now. See you at dinner, kiddo.” he ruffled Sylvain’s short wild hair and walked out of the room._

_Sylvain could only sit there in fear, eyes wide and shaking while grasping the cusps of his long-sleeved shirt..._

Sylvain’s mind wanders to Felix, his beloved friend and roommate who he wants so badly to date; but he respects Felix and his boundaries, as Felix has said he doesn’t want to date anyone whenever Sylvain would ask. 

In their younger years, Sylvain and Felix had spent most of their time together since their parents were friends and lived not even ten minutes away. They would play in the trees of Felix’s expansive fruit orchard and the fields of flowers that bloomed in the temperate summers of Faerghus. Felix and Sylvain would take turns making each other flower crowns out of the colorful blooms, making it a friendly competition of who could make the prettiest one. Though to Sylvain, none of the flowers were as beautiful as Felix.

\----

It’s approximately 8:15 when Sylvain and Felix are standing outside Hilda’s apartment complex, an obvious party happening on the inside because of the muffled beats being heard from the streets below. 

Felix is dressed in a fashionable turquoise jacket with faux fur lining the hood over a sleeveless dark blue turtleneck. Tight leather pants held up by a black belt and boots make up his bottom half.

Sylvain has on a dark gray denim jacket over a white collared shirt with the first few buttons undone, showing off a small amount of skin decorated with a thin chain necklace. 

Felix and Sylvain make their way up the hardwood stairs to the third floor, and the closer they get, the more they can _feel_ the bass from the shitty quality speakers from the inside. They stop at apartment 31, and Sylvain raps on the door a couple of times, and an “I’ll get it!” is heard over the music from inside. 

Not a second later Felix and Sylvain come face to face with Claude, the guy who got a week off history class because he put something in Professor Hanneman’s tea, which had given the man gastrointestinal trouble for more than a week. Sylvain had felt bad about it, but he really did need more time to study for that midterm. 

Claude’s holding a half-empty Budweiser bottle and is wearing a yellow jacket over a white shirt, dark gray pants that reach just above his shins, sneakers with thick bases, and a yellow patterned bandana around his forehead to tie the look together. The single gold ring that pierces his ear lobe reflects the shine in his eyes.

“Oh hey, guys! Come on in. The party is just getting started.” He holds the door open for Sylvain and Felix to walk inside the apartment. Sylvain has been to Hilda’s a handful of times, but for Felix, the decor is definitely something new for him. He’s surprised to see the walls painted bright pink with mirrors and various framed pictures of family and friends. There’s a chandelier that hangs in the center of the living room area, the apartment giving an overall “barbie” feel to it.

Not even a minute before they step into the room, a small group of girls wearing matching sweaters of a different college make visible notice towards Sylvain and Felix. They keep whispering to each other and glancing over at the boys, trying to hide their smiles and giggles with the sleeves of their beige sweaters. Two of the girls seem to be urging the third one to walk over based on the way they push her towards the two men. She’s cute.

“Umm, hi. Are you Sylvain?” she asks timidly, looking up into his eyes. Sylvain chuckles and smiles, a light blush coming across the girl’s face. Felix feels himself clutching his fist, a feeling somewhere in between jealousy and longing creeping up into his chest. He wants so badly for Sylvain to look at him lovingly and to kiss him and embrace him and everything in between. But he can’t do anything. Sylvain is straight and there’s no changing that. Felix can only support Sylvain from the sidelines until he eventually marries a woman he loves. He would then be left alone, not quite sure if he’s ready to be alone again.

Felix, promptly deciding he doesn’t want to be in this repeated situation of Sylvain flirting with a girl, walks away swiftly, just missing the sound of Sylvain calling for him to come back over the loud beat of music.

Felix walks around people and takes a beer from the large refreshment table near a condensed crowd of people. He looks around the room at the people dancing and drinking, all of them having a good time. Felix recognizes a handful of them as people he knows from the university. 

The exchange student who goes fencing with him is chatting with Dorothea, the most sought after bachelorette in Garreg Mach. Though by the looks of it, she’s no longer a bachelorette, because she leans down and plants a kiss onto Petra’s lips, only adding to Felix’s feeling of bitter loneliness. There’s a shout from the other side of the room and Caspar from his psychology class is shotgunning a beer while being cheered on by his friends. It looks like he’s racing against Leonie, who he remembers being vaguely involved in the Hanneman Incident™ and by her orange hair and muscled arms. White foam drips onto the polished hardwood floor from the cans pressed against their lips until Caspar throws the empty can onto the floor in victory.

Despite all the excitement, Felix walks around the apartment until he finds a less populated area and leans along the wide expanse of hot pink wall. He exhales and takes a sip of the cold beer in his hand. Felix doesn’t usually drink, but tonight he was feeling especially fidgety and needed to loosen up the furrow of his brow. 

All he can think of is Sylvain, chatting with potential girls he could spend the night with, but would inevitably be forgotten about the next day. Felix groans internally because he knows he isn’t dating Sylvain or that his feelings could possibly be returned, but he can’t help the feeling of sadness when he sees that charming face and laugh be directed at someone else other than him. It bothers him how much his emotions get in the way of him enjoying his time. Felix takes another long gulp of his drink. About twenty minutes go by, and he sees a familiar face approach him. 

“Hey, Felix. I didn’t know you were here tonight.” Ingrid says with a light smile as she leans against the wall next to him. She’s holding a red Solo cup filled with potato chips instead of a drink. 

It was nice to see Ingrid there, because to Felix, she’s always been the older sister figure in his life despite the two being the same age. Ingrid had been dating Glenn up until his death, but she had dealt with her crushed emotions better than Felix had. She was able to move forward with grace, as well as being smart and determined, something Felix admires of her. Ingrid is also one of the few people that know about Felix’s crush on Sylvain. Felix has been through his first drink and is halfway through the next, his head and body starting to feel lighter since he arrived half an hour ago.

“Yeah, Sylvain practically begged me to come to this. I didn’t really want to, but I thought I’d humor him a bit.” Felix states dryly.

“Oh yeah? Where is he now?” Ingrid takes a potato chip from her cup and puts it in her mouth, chewing mindfully. Felix gestures his head to the other room, just imagining him being crowded by women who couldn’t get enough of him. His chest tightens again.

“He’s in the other room.” Felix tilts his head back and takes another swallow of the bubbly barley liquid, and stares into the bottle, watching as the white foam settles back into fluid. Ingrid glances over to the open doorway and then looks back at Felix.

“Felix--”

“I know, I know,” he interrupts quickly, “I just can’t let this go, Ingrid.” Felix feels his heart wrench when he glances down the hallway, scowling to himself while taking another swig.

“Actually, I think it would be a good idea to tell him how you feel.” Ingrid says nonchalantly, taking another chip from her cup. Felix almost does a spit take and turns to her with an incredulous look on his face.

“What? That seems like a wasted effort.” Felix scoffs, leaning his head against the pink wall behind him. “I don’t want to lose the friendship we have.” He mumbles after.

Ingrid twists her face a bit, trying to think of the right words. 

“Don’t you think there’s a possibility of him being, I don’t know, closeted? Because I remember back in high school there were rumors of Sylvain dating a guy. And those rumors sure were convincing.”

“Yeah, but his actions speak louder than words, Ingrid. Those were only rumors and have you _met_ him? He’ll flirt with anything with a curve!” Felix exclaims dramatically, “Plus, wouldn’t you think he would tell us? We’ve known him since we were all kids.” Ingrid crunches down on another chip and hums to herself.

“You do have a point, but I have reason to believe that it’s an act of sort. He took theater for all four years of high school and performed in all of the plays, so we obviously know how good of an actor he is.” Felix takes another swing and waits for her to continue. “What I’m saying is that I believe the rumors that he’s secretly closeted.”

“I just don’t see why he wouldn’t tell us if that were true. Plus he’s only dated women. Sorry, Ingrid, I think that’s just wishful thinking.”

Ingrid sighs, knowing she can’t convince him otherwise. “I really suggest it though, Felix. You’re like a brother to me and it makes me sad to see you like this.” After a moment of thinking, Felix's expression softens.

“I’ll think about it, okay?” He says, giving in, “Don’t count on it though. Maybe after a couple more drinks,” he jokes.

“You better!” she gives him a smile, shoving Felix’s shoulder in a friendly manner. Ingrid checks the time on her wristwatch, eyes widening a bit. “Oh shoot, I have to go now,” she says while pouring the rest of the chips into her mouth. She chews them quickly before saying “I forgot I have to help Dimitri finish a project for one of his classes. We’ll talk more another time, okay? Don’t be afraid to give me a call.” She gives him a pat on the back.

“Okay,” is all Felix says, the sound of disappointment almost reaching his tone. 

Ingrid turns to leave, but before she leaves the hall she says, “And tell me what happens if you do tell him.” 

With that, Felix is standing in the pink hall again alone with his thoughts. He quickly finishes off his drink and retrieves another.

…

Multiple alcoholic beverages later, and Felix is crouching on the balls of his feet with his back against the wall. He’s pouting and staring at the floor, his half-empty bottle loose in his grip. His face feels warm and there’s a present pressure thumping around in his brain.

_Stupid Sylvain, making me like him so much. Why does he have to be so attractive? With his stupid handsome face and his stupid niceness and his stupid laugh. Stupid, stupid._

Felix takes another sip from his drink, remembering what he talked about with Ingrid. “ _I think it would be a good idea to tell him how you feel”_ her words echo in his head amongst his already noisy thoughts.

_Why_ don’t _I tell him? I’ll bet he’ll feel really stupid for knowing how me makes me feel. Yeah, that’ll show him. Stupid._ Felix chuckles to himself, a small hiccup making its way up his throat. He feels like a child plotting to replace a lamp light bulb with a potato. 

With shaky legs, Felix stands up and balances himself up on the wall from the sudden rush of blood to his brain. Once he’s steady, Felix does his best to walk confidently into the other room; he’s successful for the most part except for the couple times he trips over his feet.

Felix feels his head in the clouds, his pupils dilated and scanning the room for Sylvain in the sea of party-goers. He feels dizzy, the sounds and lights are almost deafening, but the familiar red hair is caught in the corner of Felix’s eye. He pushes through people until he’s close enough to see Sylvain chatting with a different girl than before. _Of course he is._

Sylvain notices Felix walking towards him and smiles, raising his hand in recognition. 

“Oh hey, Felix! This is Bernadetta, I used to go….” Sylvain’s words start to blur in Felix’s head until he only hears jumbles of syllables and the low tone of his voice falling from those handsome lips. Felix tries to remember how to form a coherent sentence, but the bass of the music and the chatter of people make that extremely difficult. 

He was never good with words anyway.

“Felix? Are you okay? Your face is a little pin--” Felix reaches up and uses both of his hands to pull down on the white-collar of Sylvain’s shirt, crashing his lips down to Felix’s own. 

Time feels like it stopped the second their lips came into contact. Sylvain’s eyes go wide in shock, fireworks going off in his head. The breath of the shorter boy smells strongly of alcohol, and it dawns on Sylvain that Felix was too intoxicated to understand what he was doing. His heart stinks, knowing that this will only ever be a fantasy to him. A second goes by and Felix lets go of the soft cotton shirt and looks at Sylvain in the eyes, his own blown big and half-lidded.

“Felix?” Sylvain asks tentatively. 

Without having anything for his hands to find purchase on, Felix loses his balance and tumbles to the floor.

\----

Sylvain manages to get both him and a blacked-out Felix back from the party in one piece by maneuvering him onto his back and carrying him that way. The walk back to the dorms was easy for the most part because Felix was completely unconscious, save for the occasional snort or shift of his head on Sylvain’s shoulder. Now back in the building, Sylvain fumbles with the keys in his back pocket, with the weight of Felix’s body making it difficult to take them out. He finally gets them out of his pocket, shoves the key into the lock and opens the door to their room. 

After shutting out the yellow light from the hallway, the room is bathed in the soft blue light of the moon flooding in from the window. Sylvain hoists Felix higher onto his back and steps over to where their beds are on the other side of the room. Sylvain is respectful when he strips Felix of his tight pants and jacket, doing his best to lay Felix into his bed, moving his spread out limbs into more comfortable positions. 

Once Felix is laying on his bed with a light blanket over him, Sylvain takes a seat on his own bed with his head resting on an arm propped up on his leg. He groans and thinks about the events that happened that night, regretting bringing Felix along with him. Simply keeping an eye on him during the evening would’ve had a better outcome than what happened not even half an hour ago. 

He wonders what could’ve caused Felix to drink so heavily. It was a rare occurrence and usually happened when he was particularly stressed or frustrated about something. It’s one of the few ways he knows how to deal with difficult emotions, and this hasn’t been the first time Sylvain had to bring him home and tuck him into the secure blankets of his bed. 

Sylvain’s brought back from his thoughts at the soft noise of Felix turning onto his side. A peaceful expression graces his features now that Sylvain can see them clearly in the moonlight. The bun keeping his hair up has loosened and let those raven locks down to frame his angular face. The pink blush has mostly gone from his skin, but a tinge of color remains on his cheeks and nose. Felix’s mouth is parted slightly, the soft rise and fall of his chest brings a heartwarming smile to Sylvain’s face. 

_He really is so beautiful,_ Sylvain thinks to himself fondly. If their relationship was anything more, he would plant a tender kiss upon those sweet lips. He would even kiss Felix every day if he would let him. To be there with him on the bed, spooning him gently and helping him with hangovers more than he does already, Felix waking up to his smiling face and no doubt be embarrassed when Sylvain would call him cute. Listening to his innermost thoughts that he doesn’t share with anyone but himself. Giving him the chance to be able to be happy again, to help him repair the part of him that has been lost. He wants to do this all for Felix.

But he can’t. They can never be more than close friends. 

He clenches his chest with his hand, the deep feeling of longing making its way back into Sylvain’s heart, pulling and tugging on his delicate heartstrings.

Sylvain strips himself and crawls into bed as well. He lays awake long after but doesn’t hear the quiet “I love you” Felix mumbles in his sleep.

\----

The next morning the birds are chirping happily in the cool early spring air, but the cheery sounds are only ear piercing to Felix’s throbbing head. The soft light feels like needles in the back of his skull and the excited yell from the field outside didn’t help either.

He squeezes his eyelids shut and pinches the bridge of his nose in hopes to lessen the beating against his skull. The loud thumping in his head distracts him from remembering the events of the evening. Actually, what even happened? Felix takes a deep breath and relays the few memories he has of last night over in his head.

 _Okay, I left with Sylvain last night around eight and we got to the party, he went off to flirt with girls, Ingrid found me and we talked about… Sylvain,_ He mentally pauses to take an exasperated breath, _She left to help Dimitri with something. Erg, Goddess why can’t I remember?_

Past those vague memories, Felix isn’t able to remember past those short events which troubles him quite a bit. He didn’t intend to get smashed like that, especially over the handsome bastard of a roommate he has, just to escape some of the unwanted feelings that were crawling like tendrils into his heart. He feels his blood go cold, hoping that he didn’t do anything to embarrass himself. 

Felix takes a deep breath and squints, letting some of the light into his tired eyes. The bed on the opposite wall is empty and neatly made, the head of red hair not in sight. _I’ll just ask him when he gets back. He was probably too caught up to know though._ Felix thinks bitterly.

\----

Sylvain was out for a jog around the park beside the school, a light sweat breaks on his face and feels cool as he runs along the cement and pebble walkway. The crisp morning air felt sharp in his lungs and was definitely doing the job of waking him up from his almost sleepless night. 

He tossed and turned during the night wondering why _Felix_ of all people would go up to him and kiss him like that. Even in a drunken state, Felix doesn’t normally touch people, he just stays silent in his own world and feels the numbness of the alcohol take over. Sylvain slows to a stop and walks over to an oak tree on the side of the path to drink some water from a fountain. He dips his head low and puts his lips to the stream of cool water, feeling it flow down his throat. Sylvain walks over to a tall tree and takes a seat in the shade, closing his eyes and tilting his head up to relax against the breeze.

For a while Sylvain had wondered if Felix actually _had_ romantic feelings for him. There have been times where Sylvain would catch Felix looking at him when he didn’t think he was paying attention, or when they were handing each other something and their fingers would linger for a bit longer than needed. Every month they would go out to dinner with each other which, to Sylvain, definitely felt like a date. This idea had dawned on him, but he’s simply brushed it off as Felix being friendly. Knowing someone for the majority of your life would hopefully want them to be friendly towards you.

But the telling tale of Felix stating that he doesn’t want to date is enough for him, and it’s also possible that he’s just not interested in Sylvain. His past boyfriends varied in personality and appearance, so it seems he doesn’t have a personal type he wants to go for.

Sylvain remembered the feeling of Felix’s lips on his. Soft and sweet, and he wants nothing more to feel that again. To taste his skin and caress his body, finding the spots that make him squirm and beg. Feeling his tight body clench around him as he pushes into that hot wet heat, their bodies synching together until they both--

A bark from a nearby dog snaps Sylvain out of his less than savory fantasy. He feels the warmth on his skin and rubs at his face, embarrassed for thinking so lewdly in public. With his mind _thoroughly_ woken up, Sylvain decides to head back to the room.

\----

Sylvain opens the door to the dorm room, smile widening and his honey-colored eyes lighting up to see Felix sitting on his bed reading a novel. He’s dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, with his hair put up in his usual messy bun. A metal water bottle and a small bottle of pain relievers sit on the blue nightstand beside his bed.

“Hey Felix, good to see you’re awake. I thought you’d be out for most of the morning from the way you slept last night,” Sylvain says smoothly and walks into the room, “How’re you feeling?” He takes a seat on his own bed when Felix puts his book down and shifts to look at him. 

“Not great. My head feels like it was hit by a truck.” Felix groans slightly and pinches the bridge of his nose to emphasize his point, the pressure behind his eyes has dulled slightly since taking the relievers. “What happened last night?”

“Do you… Do you not remember anything that happened?” Sylvain asks, his voice taking on a gentle tone. Felix is silent and mulls his foggy memories again over in his head trying to piece together any fragments he might remember. He shakes his head slowly so as to not worsen his headache.

“No I don’t. I just remember talking with Ingrid is all.” That wasn’t a complete lie. He recalls talking with Ingrid after his second drink about how it would be good to rip off the band-aid and just confess to Sylvain, but the memories beyond that are lost to him. 

Felix sees Sylvain visibly shift, and Felix feels his body tense with worry. “Please tell me I didn’t do anything to embarrass myself.”

There is a pause as Sylvain thinks of the right words to say.

“You, uh, might have passed out on Hilda’s floor, and before that you… you kissed me.” Sylvain finally says while rubbing the back of his neck and averting his eyes to the suddenly interesting floor. “It might’ve looked like you were confessing to me.” he lets out a light chuckle and glances up again, but Felix looks mortified with his eyes wide and stiff.

He feels cold sweat forming on the back of his neck, the metaphorical alarms and sirens going off in his head. 

Oh _fuck_.

_You can’t let him know. He’ll never want to be your friend again. Don’t do it._ The voices of Felix’s anxiety scream in his head. 

His body goes straight to fight or flight mode, not having control of himself.

“Confess? To you?” Felix says quickly, a look of disgust on his face, “Why would I ever like a womanizer like you,” his words are coming out quickly, like a dam breaking onto some poor unsuspecting village, “someone who doesn’t care about all the hearts he’s broken? I was drunk out of my mind. Don’t dwell on it.” Felix’s face feels hot, and he feels a pang of guilt when his eyes meet Sylvain’s. 

Felix has known Sylvain long enough to fluently read whatever was on his face. The neutral expression is still seen on his features, but his eyes look hurt and betrayed, a sight Felix isn’t familiar with. Sylvain looks up a moment later resuming his casual half grin, but his facade is cracked at the weight of the knife-like words. Felix tries so hard to form some sort of apology, that he doesn’t mean any of that, that he’s had feelings for him for years. 

But instead, he says nothing. A silence falls between them.

“Ah, um, I… I should go. I’ll see you around.” Sylvain says to break the silence, standing up and makes a bee-line towards the door. He leaves the room, the door clicks closed and Felix buries his face in his hands in frustration. 

  
_Why did I say that?_ Felix thinks to himself. He and Sylvain have in no doubt argued throughout the years, but never in all that time has he seen such a hurt expression cross his friend’s face. Even though Felix knows the reason he said those things was in defense of his own feelings, for some reason seeing Sylvain’s hurt eyes was even more painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought since Sylvain's dad in-game only wants the heir to have a Crest, it would be realistic to have him be homophobic. I thought those could be parallels to the game.


	2. Language and Longing

Sylvain steps quickly down the stairwell and out of the building, not really sure where his legs are taking him. He finds himself behind an academic building and sits down between the stone building and a green bush. He’s inclined to crawl into the bush and stay there in the seemingly protective leaves that would surround him, but without the sun, the air is cool so he decides against it. His heart thumps with pain, a sharp stab comes when he thinks of the cruel words Felix spat at him. It wasn’t like he hadn't heard any of these wounding words before. The girls who he’s dated would have similar things to say to him, but none of them hurt as much as from the one he loves. 

Never would he have guessed that Felix felt so strongly about his distasteful habits on picking up women. He’d rarely comment on the matter, only to jab at Sylvain by calling him insatiable or something of that nature. Sylvain has only thought of those as teasing remarks, but this time there was a venomous bite to his voice and it took him aback.

Sylvain feels a warm stinging behind his eyes as fat tears start rolling down his heated face. He sits there for a bit until his tears have stopped and dried from his cheeks by the gentle breeze and sun beating down on his face. Goddess those words hurt. Sylvain takes a deep breath and pulls out his cell phone from his back pocket and opens up his messaging app. He taps on Ashe’s name and starts typing.

**[Me]:** hey Ashe, can I crash in ur room for a bit? Felix and I had an argument

**[Ashe** [ **🍳** ](https://emojipedia.org/cooking/) **Ubert]:** Oh of course! I think Dedue has a spare cot somewhere… 

**[Me]:** thx so much Ashe, ur a life saver

**[Ashe** [ **🍳** ](https://emojipedia.org/cooking/) **Ubert]:** Any time! 🤗

Sylvain is grateful to have a friend like Ashe. He had met him back in Seiros High but weren’t closer friends until now. Sylvain stays outside until he knows Felix is out for fencing practice, and sneaks into the room to grab a few changes of clothes. He never thought he'd have to do a stealth mission just to get something from his  _ own  _ room, but he just couldn't face Felix right now. It's apparent to him that Felix had just let out repressed feelings from over the years. It’s evening now and Sylvain makes his way to the dorm building adjacent to his where Ashe lives with his boyfriend Dedue. Sylvain raps his knuckles on the wooden door a few times and is greeted with Ashe’s freckled face. 

“Hi Sylvain, come on in.” Ashe welcomes and steps back into the room so Sylvain can get past him. Dedue is sitting at his desk (which is rather small for a man of his size) and greets Sylvain with a small smile and a nod of his head. They’re both wearing pajamas, Ashe in an oversized t-shirt and shorts, and Dedue in gray sweatpants and a tank top. The two beds in the room are pushed together to make one bed, and there are two desks on the sides of the room. Pictures and decorations hang on the walls above the desks and a couple strings of fairy lights line the ceiling above the bed. A cot sits on the rug near the potted plant in the corner of the room. Sylvain puts his duffle bag down on the floor beside the cot and takes a seat on the springy surface.

“Hey, Ashe. Thank you again so much for letting me stay here for a bit.” Sylvain says gratefully to Ashe, who’s taking a seat on the combined bed.

"It's no problem. Here,” Ashe holds out a key and drops it in Sylvain’s hand, “this is a spare key to the room that I thought I lost day one of moving in. You can borrow it until you decide to go back.” he says with a smile.

“Thanks so much, Ashe, I really owe you and Dedue.”

“It’s really alright, I just hope that you and Felix can make up.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Ashe was always a respectful friend when it came to Sylvain and his personal problems, never trying to pry into his life or whatever he wanted to do. Just was there to support him and make sure he was okay. Ashe yawns into his hand and looks over to the rainbow clock on the wall.

“Well, I’m gonna hit the hay now. We’ve got laps tomorrow. Feel free to stay up though. Make yourself at home.” Ashe says with a sleepy smile.

He crawls into the bed, with Dedue putting his books away and gets into the bed as well, the mattress dipping under the new weight. Sylvain went to change and brush his teeth, coming back to the sound of light snoring from the two on the bed. He smiles to himself, happy that they found each other.

Sylvain lays awake in the dark long after Ashe and Dedue have succumbed to sleep. 

\---

Felix takes his usual seat in the lecture hall and puts his bag on the floor. He arrives earlier than most, but notices Sylvain’s absence on the chair bench next to him. Strange. Sylvain is a punctual person and doesn’t often arrive late to class, especially when his father is breathing down his neck for his good grades. Five minutes to class and the steady stream of people start to come in. Still no sign of that fiery red hair. Felix pulls out his phone and opens up his messaging app.

**[Me]:** where are you? class is starting

He tucks the phone back into the pocket of his jeans, but doesn't feel the buzz of a notification for the whole lecture. Felix knows he made a mistake, but he didn’t think he messed up this badly. Sylvain has always been to his classes, not missing a single one because he was to be taking over his father’s company at some point and it was needed to have a degree for it. Felix was never fond of Edvard, and the last thing he wants is for him to be on Sylvain’s tail.

\---

Sylvain’s heart feels heavy and empty, the feeling of loneliness seeping throughout his body. It’s the evening and he needs something to take his mind off Felix and the pressure of his emotions weighing down on him.

The lamp posts flicker on to bathe the streets in pale orange light and illuminate the cement sidewalks. The cool breeze blows through Sylvain’s hair bringing the voices from the taverns and clubs that line the street. He zips up his jacket from the chilly air that makes its way into his shirt. From the third stop sign on the road, Sylvain makes a turn down an offshoot of the main road until he comes to an ornate door with a wooden sign above it reading  _ Lamine’s _ painted in dark blue cursive.

He enters the bar, the cozy atmosphere taking the slight chill from his body. Since the place is a real hole-in-the-wall, there aren’t many patrons, just a few folks either sitting alone or in groups of two or three. Sylvain takes a seat on one of the tall chairs at the bar, taking his jacket off and draping it across the back. The bartender takes his order, giving him the drinks one after another until he feels his brain turn to mush.

It’s been three days since he spoke with Felix, the sharp words still find their way to Sylvain’s scarred heart. Maybe it would’ve been for the best to not have told Felix about what happened, to save him from that sharp tongue. 

Sylvain’s phone vibrates on the wooden bar, his heart silently wishing it was Felix. To his dismay, it was just another girl who he had given his number to at some point in time. He rarely remembers any of these interactions. Since Sylvain left his room with Felix, he has blocked and stopped talking to the majority of girls on his cell phone. He stays at the bar until he eventually stumbles back to campus with tears in his eyes.

\---

It’s late when Felix returns from fencing practice and notices Sylvain’s still not back. Felix plops himself on the edge of his bed and stares across at Sylvain’s, the feeling of guilt washing back over him from that afternoon. He falls back onto the blankets and exhales in exasperation, throwing his arm over his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Sylvain.” Felix whispers to himself. Images of Sylvain’s smile and energy flash by in his head. Felix knew he messed up the moment he opened his mouth. Portraying his emotions was never his strong suit, though he didn’t see how he would be able to do that instead of lashing out at Sylvain. 

_ He probably hates me now _ , Felix thinks to himself, the familiar tingle beginning to build up behind his eyes. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to will away the tears. He hates crying. It makes him feel weak and unable to do anything. Felix takes out his phone and calls Ingrid, one of the only people he feels he can talk to when he’s in a vulnerable place.

“Hi Felix, what’s up?” The sound of rustling and the jingle of keys is heard in the background, the creak of a door closing follows shortly after.

“I really fucked up, Ingrid.” he says through the phone, his voice wavering a bit. He can’t bear the thought of pushing away his closest friend, all because of his stupid crush that he can’t seem to get rid of. 

“Why? What happened? ” Ingrid asks gently over the phone. She makes an exhaling sound like she just sat down, probably just getting back from work.

“You remember how you said it would be good for me to… confess to him, right?” Felix hears Ingrid gasp over the line.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, Felix. I know it’s hard now but--”

“No, no I didn’t confess to him.” he pauses, thinking of the right words, “Apparently I kissed him at Hilda’s party when I was hammered. When he told me I said horrible things to him.” another pause. “What should I do?”

Ingrid hums thoughtfully. “Have you spoken to him since then?”

“Not yet, but he hasn’t been back to the room for a few days.”

“Hm okay. By the sound of it, it seems like he wants some time alone.”

“Do you think he’ll forgive me?” Felix hates the way how distressed his voice sounds.

“Definitely. You guys have been friends for years. I don’t think this will ruin your friendship.” Ingrid says with confidence.

Felix takes a deep breath, “Okay, thanks, Ingrid. I appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem.” She says through a yawn, “Well I’ve got to go to sleep. Got a test tomorrow first thing so we’ll see how that goes. Good night, Felix.”

“Night.”

\---

The next night, despite his better judgment, Sylvain sits down again at the bar with the familiar smell of old wood and the sound of smooth jazz playing overhead. He waves over the bartender, the girl notices him and walks towards him. Her strawberry blonde hair is put into a low ponytail that lays across her left shoulder, and she’s wearing a white t-shirt with an AC/DC logo across the chest. Her smile is very kind, and it shows in her blue eyes.

“Three vodka shots, please.” he requests half-heartedly. The girl behind the bar tilts her head in mild concern.

“Are you sure you don’t want to start with one? I saw you here yesterday and you didn’t look so good.” She says, her tone sounding more worried than judgy.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just… trying to get over someone.” Sylvain says, propping his head up with his hand.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Were they a nice person?” She asks sympathetically, her blue eyes shining. Sylvain smiles sadly to himself.

“Yeah. He’s a great person.”

The girl gives Sylvain his shots and watches him throw back the clear liquid and cringe, not particularly liking the flavor of the strong alcohol. The bartender takes the glasses to the washer and returns to wipe the bar down with a cloth. She then takes out a tall glass from under the bar and fills it with water, placing it in front of Sylvain.

“I can listen to your troubles if you like.” The bartender suggests when he takes a sip of the water. When Sylvain looks hesitant, she adds, “If it helps, I have a younger brother that’s been going through something similar. Don’t worry, I won’t judge.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it. What’s your name? I’m Sylvain” he says with a smile.

“I’m Mercedes, it’s nice to meet you, Sylvain.” 

There’s a short silence between them, before Sylvain asks, “Okay, where do I start?”

“Hmm, you can tell me about this person you’re getting over if you’d like.”

Sylvain smiles sadly down at the bar, “He’s a great guy. We’ve been joined at the hip since we were kids. He’s the type of person that’s very upfront and aggressive but definitely has a soft side. It’s best to compare him to a cat; kind of standoffish but is sweet when it counts. I just want to tell him how much I love him.”

“Has he found someone?”   
  


“Uh, not necessarily. When I tease him about dating someone he tells me he’s not interested in dating. Which is totally understandable, I don’t blame him at all for not wanting to date.” he takes a pause, “the other day we got into an argument. I don’t even know if you can call it an argument. We went to a party recently and he kissed me out of the blue. I was so happy until I realized it was only because he was intoxicated. His skin was a bright pink and his breath smelled like shitty beer. The next day he barely remembered anything that happened, and when I told him he kissed me, he lashed out at me. He said that he would never like someone like me.” Sylvain put his face in his hand, trying to calm himself down, “Since we’re roommates, I’ve been staying in my friend’s room since that happened,” another pause, “I feel like I shouldn’t be upset at what he said about me. I’m a horrible person that plays with the feelings of women that want me because of my situation. It just burned when it was said by the one I want to be with.” Sylvain chuckles without joy himself, “Terrible, aren’t I?”

“What do you mean ‘because of your situation’? I’m not sure I follow.”

Sylvain gulps down more of the cool water and looks back up to Mercedes.

“I'm the heir to the company owned by my family, and my dad is really pushing the whole ‘traditional family values’ thing on me. You know, the man marries the woman and has kids to continue the bloodline. All that kind of stuff.”

“Does your father know you’re not interested in women?”

“Yeah. I told him when I was a teenager and he completely blew his top. He… he doesn’t want me to date men as to not sully the family name.”

“Oh my,” a look of shock covers Mercedes’ face, her eyebrows drawn up and her blue eyes wide.

“I know, right?”

“Does your friend know about this? About hiding that you’re gay?”

“I haven’t told him. There’s really not many people I’ve spoken about it with.”

Mercedes hums. “It sounds like you care about him a lot. Have you thought about telling him about your feelings?” Mercedes suggests. Sylvain shakes his head.

“It’s no use. I don’t even know if he still wants to be friends anymore. He sounded so angry when I told him that he kissed me.”

“By the way you explained it, it kind of sounds like he was embarrassed, don’t you think? I feel like anyone would be embarrassed if they found out they kissed their best friend without remembering it.”

That was something that Sylvain didn’t really think about. 

“Yeah, maybe.” Is all he says in response.

Mercedes is beckoned by another customer, leaving Sylvain in momentary silence. When she returns she speaks again.

“Do you want to run the company?”

“I… Not really, but it’s what’s expected of me. My older brother was supposed to be heir, but he OD'd from whatever the fuck he decided to mix together and shoot into his neck. I was the golden child and he hated me for it.” he held his head with one hand while the other was clenched into a fist on the bar top, trying his best to control the shake in his voice. “Every day he would try to get his hands on me just to show how much he truly despised my existence. Since then, all of his responsibilities were put onto me. That’s still one of the things I resent him for. I just want to live a normal life doing what I want.” Sylvain hides his face with the curl of his hand, trying to keep back any tears that try to drip down his colored face.

“Then why don’t you?” Mercedes asks simply, “Where’s the joy in life if you can’t be yourself?”

Something about that makes Sylvain stop and think. Why  _ doesn’t _ he? Why doesn’t he just do what he wants for his own benefit for once? 

Everything Mercedes was saying makes sense and he’s not sure why he hasn’t realized it sooner. Maybe it was because he was buzzed, letting the logical part of his brain time to speak, or the fact that he upset the person he cares about most.

He’s made a decision. He’s going to tell Felix how he feels, even if they aren’t reciprocated.

Sylvain wants nothing more than seeing that shining smile on his friend’s face, and there’s no way he’s going to be the reason for it to be hiding behind clouds.

“You know, you’re right. Thank you, Mercedes, this has helped me more than anyone else. I know we just met, but can I take you out to dinner sometime as thanks?” Sylvain smiles awkwardly, to which Mercedes laughs in good fun.

“That would be lovely.”

Sylvain slides off his seat and takes the jacket from the back. “Awesome, have a good night, Mercedes. It was nice meeting you.”

“You too, Sylvain!”

\---

Sylvain gets back to Ashe’s dorm without a problem, easing the door open quietly so as to not wake the two sleeping men. He does his evening routine, consisting of brushing his teeth and getting into pajamas before sliding under the cozy blankets of the cot. Once surrounded by the comforting darkness of the room, he takes out his phone and sends Felix a message.


	3. Graduation and Gratitude

The next day Felix awakens to tens of notifications, swiping them away one by one until he notices he received a message from someone none other than Sylvain. He feels a jolt of happiness seeing that Sylvain hasn’t cut him off entirely, but he holds his breath as he opens his phone to what he has to say.

[Sylvain 💖]: hey Felix, I know we haven’t spoken for a few days but I need to talk to you about something. I’ll be back in our dorm at 7 tonight if ur not doing anything.

[Me]: yeah that sounds good. I have something to talk with you about too.

[Sylvain 💖]: alright cool, see you then.

Okay good. By the sounds of it, Sylvain doesn’t hate him completely and Felix exhales and feels like he can breathe a bit easier.

\----

It’s seven, and Sylvain has never felt so nervous before standing outside his own room. He takes a deep breath before putting the key in the lock and opening the door with a click. Felix is sitting on his bed cross-legged in front of his silver laptop and looks up when the door swings open. Neither of them say anything until Sylvain is seated on his bed. The tension in the room is so thick it feels like breathing in a fog. Felix is the first one to speak.

“Sylvain, I’m really sorry about what I said to you. It was… uncalled for,” Felix says, looking Sylvain in the eyes, “I was just stressed out about something. I’m sorry.” he says again. Felix had been practicing those lines all day, not daring to mess anything up even more than he already has.

“Don’t worry about it Felix, knowing how you feel definitely makes this part easier, but still kinda hard. Here goes.” Sylvain takes in a deep breath and clenches his fists on his blankets in concentration. “I… I like you. Romantically,” Felix’s eyes widen in disbelief while Sylvain continues, “I’ve liked you for a while now, but I couldn’t really talk about it.” 

Sylvain explains to Felix what Edvard had said about being in relationships with men and how it would affect the Gautier line, something only precious to his father. Everything started to click together in Felix’s mind. Sylvain wanted to be seen as a good for nothing womanizer to obtain such a distasteful title people wouldn’t want to be with him in the long run. He wanted to harm those who he was in a relationship to deter them from his own family. Felix’s heart has never sounded so loud before. It feels like someone is using it as a drum, the thunderous sound only getting louder and faster. Exhilaration runs like electricity through Felix’s body, making him fidgety and unable to stay still in his seat.

“Look, now I know that you wouldn’t want to date me, but I still want to be fri--” 

Before he can react, Felix lunges forward from his place on his bed to capture Sylvain’s mouth on his own. The kiss is clumsy, but nothing less than full of warmth, the feeling of elation blooming in both of them while the sound of their hearts seeming to almost sync together. Sylvain slowly wraps his toned arms around Felix’s slender waist and pulls him close to his chest, moaning quietly in his mouth. Before the situation escalates any more, Felix reluctantly pulls his lips from Sylvain’s sweet sweet mouth to look into his honey-colored eyes instead. A look of glee and confusion are mixed on Sylvain’s handsome face, his arms still wrapped around Felix.

“F-Felix?” Sylvain’s voice is breathy from their shared kiss.

“You’re an idiot,” Felix states, his voice without venom, “Do you know how much fucking agony I went through? To think you were gay this entire time and I didn’t notice.” Felix brings his forehead into the crook of Sylvain’s heated neck. 

“Does this mean that you--?”

“Shut up. I’ve liked you since we were, what, nine? I didn’t say anything because I thought you were straight.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Sylvain chuckles, his smile stretching wide from ear to ear. There’s a silence between them until Sylvain clears his throat. “Would... would you be willing to let me make up for lost time?” he asks sheepishly. He never thought he would get this far, and now he has Felix straddling his lap and is incredibly unprepared.

“Sylvain, I’ve been waiting for this day for literal years and you still ask me if I want to date you?” Felix says quietly, leaning his head down back onto Sylvain’s shoulder. “Of course I want to be with you,” and he mumbles, “I can’t believe Ingrid was right.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” Felix moves his head from Sylvain’s warm shoulder to look at him in the eyes again. He’ll never get tired of that. “What’re you going to do about your dad?”

“After some thinking and getting advice, I decided that I don’t care about running the Gautier company. A wise woman once told me, “Where’s the joy in life if you can’t be yourself?” I think I can handle my father.”

“Oh? And who was this wise woman?”

“The bartender at Lamine’s.”

After laying down on Felix’s bed and kissing for what felt like hours, Sylvain remembers he left his stuff in Ashe’s room and shoots him a text.

[Me]: hey, Felix and I made up. I'll grab my stuff tomorrow.

Sylvain drops his phone on the bed and slithers his arms back around Felix’s shoulders. Never in his life would he think his feelings would be reciprocated. Felix nuzzles into Sylvain’s chest.

“Sylvain?”

“Yeah, Felix?”

“Thank you.”

\----

The last months of the semester roll around quickly, and before they know it Sylvain is accepting his diploma on the football field at Garreg Mach. He’s congratulated by his peers and professors while looking dashing in a black suit with gold trim on his blazer. His father isn’t there, but he’s the happiest he’s ever been. Cutting the ties with his toxic family and being with the boy he’s liked since childhood. Everything is starting to look up.

After dinner and celebrating with Felix and their close friends, Sylvain and Felix make their way to the hotel they were staying at to blow off some tension from the evening.

The second the door closes, Felix is pushed against the hardwood as Sylvain kisses him heatedly against his open mouth and lips. Felix moans lewdly when warm hands slip underneath his collared shirt to thumb and pinch at his sensitive nipples. Only after a couple of months together as an official couple, somehow Sylvain was able to find almost all of the spots that make Felix shudder into a wanting mess, moaning for more. It was enough to drive him wild with desire.

Frantic hands are trying to strip each other of the clothes that are keeping them from connecting completely. Before they get the pieces of clothing off, Sylvain wraps his arms around Felix’s waist and lifts him into his arms and smiles up at him. His hair is falling out of his bun, pupils wide and face flushed from their passionate kissing. Felix gently caresses the side of Sylvain’s face and plants kisses to his face as he walks them over to the bed. Sylvain drops Felix down onto the soft surface, deftly pinning his wrists to the sheets and licks up into his hot mouth with a low rumbling moan. 

First Sylvain discards Felix’s pants, eying hungrily at those sexy pale thighs. Needy fingers continue to fumble with the buttons on each other's shirts, until Sylvain gets fed up with the tedious work and yanks the shirt open, the small round plastic flinging across the room. He would normally feel bad about ruining one of Felix’s shirts, but he was quickly overtaken by the sight that lay before him.

Felix is hard and splayed out on the bed, his white shirt sliding off his slender shoulders and arms while he breathes heavily in arousal. His cheeks and neck are dusted with pink, his raven hair coming out of the tie keeping it in place. Sylvain feels his dick harden at the sight.

Half lidded amber eyes look up at Sylvain through long lashes and then down to the growing erection tenting his pants, practically pulling Sylvain to him like a siren’s song. 

“You’re so beautiful.”

Felix instantly gets redder, still not used to the constant compliments and praise since he and Sylvain started dating. Self-security wasn’t something that was regular to him, and having this handsome man on top of him surely didn’t help the quickening beat of his heart.

“You’re a sap.” Felix states shyly, moving his hands to cover Sylvain’s eyes

“And you love that about me.” he replies, taking Felix’s hands in his own and bringing his knuckles to his lips, kissing them softly. He kisses from his knuckles to the tips of his fingers back down to his palm.

“S-Sylvain.” Felix whines through panted breaths. Sylvain continues to kiss and nibble at the skin of his fingers.

While Felix loves the sweet gestures Sylvain showers him with every day, right now he just wants to be held close and fucked raw. 

Felix draws up his leg and places the ball of his foot along the hardness of Sylvain’s dick, earning a thirsty moan from the man above him. He uses his toes to push against his cock through the fabric separating the two, making Sylvain to grind against it.

“Sylvain, I-I want you.” Felix says with half-lidded eyes.

“Yeah, babe, I’ll give you just what you need.” Sylvain says with a hot breath. He straightens himself and finishes undoing the buttons on his own shirt before slipping it off his arms and back. 

Now it’s Felix's turn to gaze up at the god of a man standing in front of him. His muscles and abs flex when he balls up his shirt and tosses it to the floor, and his sexy smile turns his bones to jelly.

He leans onto the bed and cages Felix’s body with his own, trailing kisses from his mouth down his throat, and bites fresh hickeys into his neck beside the ones that are almost done healing. Sylvain runs his hands over the expanse of smooth skin of his waist and side, feeling the contours of his chest and abs he’s acquired through years of fencing. 

Sylvain plays with one of Felix’s pink nipples, earning a needy moan from his lips. He dips his other hand low right next to where Felix wants him and kneads at his thighs instead. Sylvain chuckles lightly at the little thrust of Felix’s hips. 

He removes his hands from squeezing Felix’s thigh and rubbing his nipple to reach into his back pocket and pull out a small bottle of lube. Amber eyes dilate from under Sylvain as he pours a generous amount onto his hand and fingers. 

He throws the bottle to the bed and leans forward back onto Felix, connecting their lips again in sweet reunion. Felix spreads his legs open and moans into Sylvain’s mouth at the feeling of those slick familiar digits fingering around his puckered pink hole.

“Goddess, Felix, you sound so fucking hot right now. I love the pretty sounds you make for me.” Sylvain whispers against the shell of his ear. He pushes a single finger deep into Felix, relishing in the way he squirms and tries to push himself deeper while needy moans drip from his open mouth. Felix wraps his arms around Sylvain’s broad shoulders and pulls into a needy, wet kiss.

“M-More.” Felix gasps out, and Sylvain complies, adding a second finger and starts to scissor inside of him, making sure he’s nicely stretched out to take his hard cock. Sylvain pushes his fingers in slowly, probing for the tight bundle of nerve that makes Felix unravel beneath him. Sylvain grins against Felix’s mouth when a sharp gasp melts into a heady moan.

“You like that?” Sylvain moves his fingers around that spot, making Felix whine and buck into Sylvain’s slick hand.

“S-Sylvain, please, I n-need you.” Felix says wantingly, pre-cum pooling onto his pale stomach.

“Tell me with words what you want, Fe. I can’t understand you if you don’t tell me.” Sylvain teases, kissing Felix’s temple while resuming the soft thrusting in and out of his fingers into his sensitive hole. Felix pouts in embarrassment and frustration beneath him, averting his eyes from Sylvain’s to anywhere else in the room. 

Slender arms then pull Sylvain down, “Sylvain please fuck me, make me cum, I-I want your dick inside of me so badly. Fill me up with your cum until I can’t think straight anymore.” Felix begs, rolling his hips to emphasize his point. And Goddess, did those words go straight to Sylvain’s dick, clear pre-cum leaking at his slit. 

No one would’ve guessed Felix fucking Fraldarius was so needy in bed, but here he is begging erotically on the soft sheets of a hotel room. Sylvain was more than happy to please him again and again.

“You got it, babe.” Sylvain kisses Felix’s lips and prods at his prostate once more before withdrawing his fingers completely from that tight heat.

He steps back onto the floor and fingers at his belt buckle, removing the accessory and pants tantalizingly slow, watching as Felix stares at him from the bed. Sylvain kicks off his pants and takes off his boxers, his thick cock springing free from its cloth confined, relishing in the way amber eyes dilate from their place on the bed. Somewhere in the back of Sylvain’s mind, he would absolutely love the idea of being a stripper. Being watched as he teases the audience.

Sylvain kneels on the bed and finds the bottle of lube, uncapping it and pouring some into his slightly sticky hand. He hisses at the sudden cold on his dick, but that quickly fades when he strokes himself to get fully slick for his lover. Felix’s mouth waters at the sight of Sylvain pumping his dick, the sounds of his lubed hand shlacking around his cock making him unconsciously spread his legs open for the red head.

Sylvain moves closer to Felix and hooks his warm hands underneath his bent knees. Felix makes a surprised whimper sound when he's tugged towards Sylvain, rocking his bulging cock against Felix’s wet hole. Moans and heavy breathing fill the space around the two when Sylvain eases slowly inside that velvety heat that makes his head spin.

“Fuck, Fe, you feel so good.” Sylvain gasps against Felix’s lips. Felix absolutely loves the feeling of being filled with Sylvain’s hard cock, even the stretch of his ass is able to make him fist the sheets in pleasure.

After Sylvain is completely inside, he leans back over Felix and claims his lips in more open mouth kisses while playing with his chest and sides until he gets used to Sylvain’s girth.

A minute later, Felix slowly tries to fuck himself onto Sylvain, an obvious indication that he’s ready for more. Sylvain pulls out bit by bit before pushing himself all the way back in until his hips are fit together with Felix’s shaky ones. 

Hot moans spill from Felix’s pink mouth every time Sylvain thrusts into him, drool beginning to slide down his cheek and onto the pillow. Felix slowly brings his hands down to his own dripping cock, but Sylvain is quick to steal them away and pin them above his head. Felix whines and struggles weakly at Sylvain’s hold.

“Look at you, so desperate and needy. The way you’re taking my cock is like you were made for me. So tight and hot around me.”

They love playing like this. If Felix wanted to he could easily remove himself from Sylvain’s grip, but there’s something primal and raw about being pinned and fucked that Felix lives for.

They continue fucking, surrounded by the sounds of each other’s moans and the sound and smell of sex filling their senses. Sylvain shifts his hips and snaps his hips forward, and Felix cries out in pleasure, the sensitive part inside of him being hit over and over by the wet cock thrusting into his tight body. He bits his lip to keep him from screaming in pleasure.

“F-Fe, don’t keep your sounds in. You sound so hot right now,” Sylvain breathes, “Goddess, you look so good like this. Completely blissed out by the feeling of taking my dick over and over again. I love you so much.” He leans down to kiss Felix hungrily, still plunging himself over and over into his love. Sylvain brings one of his hands down to Felix’s neglected cock and starts to stroke him in rhythm with his own thrusts.

A loud moan rips from Felix’s throat at the feeling of having the thick cock pounding him roughly and the stipulation from his dick being rubbed. He feels an orgasm begin to build quickly in his gut.

“Sy-Sylvain, I’m gonna c-cum soon.” he chokes out another moan at the head pounding against his prostate.

“Yeah, me too.” Sylvain moves his hips in rhythm with the stroking of Felix’s hard member.

With a shuttered moan, Felix’s back arches off the bed and feels the muscles of legs spasm as he cums, thick ropes of white splatter across his chest and belly. Sylvain isn’t far behind, chasing his orgasm with a few more thrusts inside that delectable heat before pushing completely inside and releasing his hot cum deep within Felix. 

Sylvain lets go of Felix’s wrists and dick, and collapses on top of his warm, spent, body, making a mess of the cum that lay there. Felix makes a face, not liking the feeling of cold cum smeared against his body. 

“Sylvain, you’re making a mess,” Felix complains halfheartedly, running his fingers through Sylvain’s sweaty hair, “Get off so we can clean up.”

Sylvain makes a noise, but reluctantly peels away from Felix but not before planting a kiss on his lips.

He returns with a warm damp cloth and wipes down the dried cum from Felix’s stomach and between his legs. Once the cum is gone, Sylvain drops the cloth to the floor and lays down on the bed next to Felix and watches as he shifts closer into Sylvain’s touch. Larger arms wrap themselves around Felix’s spent body.

“I love you, Felix.” Sylvain says against his tousled raven hair. A second passes and Sylvain thinks that Felix has fallen asleep.

“I love you too.” Felix says ever so softly against Sylvain’s shoulder. Sylvain smiles and lets his body succumb to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :^)


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